first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
