i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
