drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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