it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
