its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dignity is for republicans.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
