So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Life is so much better after having sex.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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