Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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