He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
