he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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