apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
