I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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