remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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