I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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