Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I deserve this hangover.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
