I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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