How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
