he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
