Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
