I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
