The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
