honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
