your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
