Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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