She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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