Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
