I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
