3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
