I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
