I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
