i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
