Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So many bounce houses so little time
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
