This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
