sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
