I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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