Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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