I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
