Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
this boner is exhausting
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
