Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
