Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
