im drinking this country out of the recession.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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