Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
