The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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