why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
