im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You ruined the universe
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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