Your tits are I can't wait for
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Enjoy the penises
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
