There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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