I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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