My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
