I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
