I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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